Blood Runs Cold
by kiba kai
Summary: After the war ended, Seifer stuck in time-compression, see what he think and who he miss. my first FF fic..Seifer x Squall (Shounen Ai, Songfic) ^^' [Chapter 2 Edited by 'AeroKnight' *thanks*]
1. Blood Runs Cold

Disclaimer: FF8 Character's not mine. The Song's not mine either... 

Title: 'Blood Runs Cold'

Writer: kiba kai

Category: Angst, Songfic - 'Blood Runs Cold' and 'All I want is Everything' both from Def Leppard, Album 'Slang'

Rate: PG-13

Note: I'm not an English Speaker... so... sorry for the language ^^'

This is my first FF8 Fic ^^', about Seifer, the story takes place right after the final battle... (Seifer POV)

WARNING!! Seifer x Squall! ^^'... That means it's Shounen Ai (boyxboy love) No, there is NOTHING explicit here, but anyway, DON'T READ if you're against it. In case you aren't against it and there's something you don't like, you can comment me, I'll gladly accept. On the other hand, if you read this fic without reading this warning… it's your responsibility…

_lyric_

normal 

**'Blood Runs Cold' **

...

Where am I?...

The sky... it's so dark. The fog is everywhere; it's so thick I can't see the sun. Or is the sun there?

I tried to get up but I felt the sharp pain piercing all over my body. I fell backward to the ground... ground? I remembered the fighting. I fought Squall and his comrades in Ultimecia castle...

They won, and I stumbled on the coldest marble floor that I've ever felt. It was the taste of defeat.

I must have been unconscious then, but where am I now? I turned my head to the side and saw the endless horizon of Godforsaken planet. The brown dust of soil was blown up and mixed in the air. The sound of a gusty wind... it was like screaming, screaming for me... as if it was hailing my death. Oh Hyne...

I clench my teeth and force my body to get up, but the pain doesn't go away. My trembling hands feel the harshness of the dry surface... where are my gloves? Suddenly I realize that I am unarmed. Hyperion? Where is Hyperion?

I look around but nothing there is in my sight except the never-ending view that I wished was an illusion. I felt naked without my weapon; it was the only thing I could cling to. Since I was a kid I was taught that way; believe only in might and dreams. Those 2 things kept me alive until now. 

I laughed. Being human was supposed to feel like this? 

Fear

_I heard this line one time_

_about__ trying to save the world_

_but__ have you ever tried to save yourself_

Seifer Almasy; that was me, standing here in the middle of nowhere, hugging myself tight like an innocent schoolgirl in front of the hardcore *pub*. Would you believe it? That arrogant Seifer...

Arrogant Seifer. Yesterday I liked it but now I'm not so sure.

I tried to kill them; my schoolmates. I even tried to destroy the world. I fucked everything up and I just realized it.

…

Since sitting here and mourning didn't help a thing, after I made up my mind I decided to find something or someone. I tried to think logically and find a reliable reason on this matter; at least I might know where I was. Ultimecia was a witch and she might be fighting Squall by now or was it over? How much time passed? This was possibly done by her power, caging the enemy in another dimension?

Hyne…

'Is this just a nightmare or not?' I questioned myself. So what was the difference between the dream and the reality? I snorted. The dream has to end. Yeah, I knew that… My stupid little dream just ended when I knelt before him, Squall. My dream of serving someone special and worth dying for… It had ended.

_A wide-eyed suicide drive remains a fake_

_as__ if you'd ever, ever go and make that same mistake_

_strung__ out as the night comes crawling_

_your__ halo of thorns is falling..._

I kept walking. A Mile? 10 Miles already? I didn't know, just kept on. My legs grew heavier every time they lifted, so did my eyelids. Or was this the witch's power? Maybe this could be a real hell and this empty world of despair was my punishment. No, The God might not grant me this mercy. My sin deserved worse…

My head was spinning. The world I saw seemed to blacken… I stumbled and fell to the ground… I couldn't take it anymore. My hands and feet were running out of feeling. All I could do was lay here feel the numbness creeping up over my body…

_Blood runs cold..._

_I feel it in my bones_

_but__ you don't know, your time is up_

_blood__ runs cold..._

Those witches; Edea, Adel or Ultimecia… Why me? Why did they choose me? Did they think I was a little kid? Easily persuaded; a foolish soldier or a useless toy? Was that all I was worth to them?

I snorted lazily. It's just like me; living alone, hated by everyone… just a piece of junk. Was I equal to dirt? Nah, Poor dirt. I heard they called me the witch's lapdog. Maybe they were right. 

I hated it. I hated myself. None of the little things in my life could make me proud.

_Somebody somewhere is screaming out the words_

_but__ do they ever really ease the pain_

_I guess what I'm trying to say _

_is__ whose life is it anyway..._

I killed many people under Edea's name. Would that be an excuse for my sin? I guessed not, even if I was under her control. I remembered every pair of those eyes before I stole their last breath; all of them filled with fear and hate… cursing in rage… promising of revenge… They made me chill.

I must pay for them someday… I just didn't know when.

_Because living, living is the best revenge you can pay_

I closed my eyes painfully; I must survive this. Dying this way was too easy for me. Lying peacefully in an oak coffin, I didn't deserve that, not yet.

_This fall from grace..._

But how could I escape from this? I wished this was a dream. If I woke up, I would still there... Balamb Garden... My home, my life... My friends...

_I see your face... _

My rival...

_It's over..._

I felt like I was sinking. Everything around me was melting into thick liquid and it was sucking me down. The uncountable flash of bright light was piercing my eyes. The horror sound like the roar of furious Behemoth was echoed in my brain. Oh Hyne. I couldn't breathe…

…

Suddenly, every maddened vision was gone. It left me in the black world, it's a flat black world without dimension; I didn't feel the ground I was standing on. I didn't even know if I was standing or not… more like floating.

My head was too dull to figure everything out. Then, the light shone out of nowhere.

The Garden? 

I saw L2's crowded hallway. There were many cadets gathered there. What were they doing? Seemed like they were waiting. That Chicken-Wuss was walking, turning left and right. I heard more footsteps and it was him. Squall. He was in normal uniform. What? Is this my memory?

Applause? Was I the one doing that? He turned to me; softened his expression toward my praise. He looked a bit shy. At that moment, I thought I would remember the way he looked, and I was glad I did.

But… his face began to blur. What was wrong with my eyes? No, I could see everything clearly except his face. What was this!? Squall!

I reached out for him but grabbed only emptiness. His body faded to nothing, like he had never been there. 

No!

The entire scene was collapsing like a wet painting hit by the rain. I tried to hold on to something but it was too late. They were all gone.

_Blood runs cold..._

_I feel it in my bones_

_but__ you don't know, your time is up_

_blood__ runs cold..._

Damn! What the hell was happening? I went down on my knees, those illusions were surreal. As if I was going to lose him... No; I never had him, how could I lose him? 

Then, the light shone on my face once again, drew my attention. I raised my head and found… The beach… Our Sunset beach with the old lighthouse…

Staring out to the red horizon soundlessly, it reminded me of so many unforgettable memories. I stood there for a while before the giggling sound destroyed the silence. I turned to the source, it was a little kid; chocolate brown hair waving his tiny hand at me. Squall? Yes, that was him. I remembered that day clearly.

He asked me what lay beyond that red horizon. I said I didn't know but I promised him that one day we would discover it together. I sighed. Even those words... I still couldn't keep them. I never had a chance to do so because I was taken away; that was my last day at the orphanage.

He ran away and I followed. We went to the flower field where the hundreds of thousands of petal always blew up in the air, its scent was mild and tender in the way that no one would ever forget. I tried to catch him but I couldn't, he was faster than me. Seem like our little race became everything to me when we were separated. It was the only vivid memory I had. 

Our breath, our laughter and your smile

Please Hyne, don't take this away from me.

_From you, love was kind_

_resolved__ left scarred and blind_

_wasted__ and naked in the wings_

Squall…

That stormy day when we dueled… The day we scarred each other's face. Squall… I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. After all the bad things I had done, would you… forgive me?

The rain… The blood… and you.

I saw myself kneeling beside your unconscious body. The horrorified expression painted all over my pale face. I trailed my shaking hand down your bloody wound.

Hyne. What did I do?

Squall… Squall…

_Denying twist of fate..._

_Demanding heaven's gate_

_Lying in wait above the wind..._

"Squall." 

…

Oh, Hyne. 

I tried to gain control of my ragged breaths. Then I faced the sky once again. No clouds, no wind; nothing but the two moons reflecting each other solemnly…

I looked around the new environment and my mind registered; Esthar. It must be my own voice that woke me up. Was it really my voice? It sounded weak and broken. I examined myself; nothing broken. Fortunately, Hyperion was with me.

I let out the heavy sigh, I was sure that the things I had experienced weren't a dream. The sharp pain was still felt in every nerve of my body. I did make it. I was still alive.

_Strung out as the night comes crawling_

_your__ halo of thorns is falling..._

I tried to stand up. The only thing that filled my head right now, yes I wanted to see him… I wanted to apologize for hurting him. I wanted to be near him even though he might hate me already. How could I face him? I would figure it out later.

I gathered all my strength and started finding my way back to Balamb…

_Blood runs cold..._

_I feel it in my bones_

_but__ you don't know, your time is up_

_blood__ runs cold..._

Squall, only you... everything else was just dust.

...

Squall...

To Be Continue~

(There will be one more chapter, please bare with me) ::sweatdrop::

Feedback, comments are most welcome, ^^'


	2. All I Want Is Everything

Disclaimer: FF8 Character's not mine. The Song's not mine too...   
Title: 'All I Want Is Everything'  
Writer: kiba kai (AKA BloodSin)  
Category: Angst, Songfic - 'Blood Runs Cold' and 'All I want is Everything' both from Def Leppard, Album 'Slang'  
Rate: PG-13  
Note: I'm not English Speaker... so... sorry for the language ^^'  
  
This is my first FF8 Fic ^^', about Seifer. The story takes place right after the final battle...   
  
WARNING!! Seifer x Squall! ^^' .. That means it's a Shounen Ai (boy x boy love) Yes, there is NOTHING explicit here but anyway, DON'T READ if you're against it. If you aren't against it and there's something you don't like you can comment on it, I'll gladly accept. (*^_^*) On the other hand, if you read this fic without reading this warning… it's your responsibility …  
  
(The POV is either Squall or Seifer)  


_lyric_  
normal  
  
  
  
**'All I Want Is Everything'**  
  
  
  
  
  
What a boring life…  
  
Everyday I have to spend my time in the Headmaster's Office, reading useless documents, arranging some stupid thing I never knew was necessary for living. I had been trusted and promoted by Cid Kramer, the former Headmaster. He said he had already achieved the goal in his life - got his wife back. Then, this Garden that had been just another way to help him achieve this was no longer needed.  
  
Did he think I needed it? Did he think I wanted to be the statue for everyone's respect? I feel as a bin. Yes, a bin, a place for getting rid of something needless.   
  
I left my crowded desk for the large glass wall behind. I stared at it for a moment, learning how the ivy shape was carved onto it… spiral and curve… circle and twist, lower and lower until I saw the reflection of my face. The brown locks seemed so unfamiliar to me since I hardly ever watch myself in the mirror. Sometimes I wondered how others looked at me, what did they see in me - a leader? A fearsome fighter? Or a rival? ...   
  
  
_I don't know how to leave you   
and I don't know how to stay..._  
  
  
I touched the scar across my face; I have already forgot what my face looks like without it. What I used to be before I got the scar? Maybe only a coward student… maybe only one who turned my back at everything just to feel safe inside my carapace. Until that day…  
  
The lightning struck over our heads, the sound of raging blades, fire in his hand and the chord of my emotion was torn apart with his victory grin… it all told me to fight back.   
  
It was bitter; the one who hated me taught me how to struggle… in this world everyone has to struggle but not all of them have courage to do so.   
  
Should I thank him? I snort.  
  
…  
  
  
_I got things that I must tell you   
that I don't know how to say..._  
  
  
I shook my head and decided to take a walk; I didn't think I could sit back and enjoy my papers anymore, not today. The Lionheart was resting on the black case beside my desk, I hesitated a little before I grabbed it, taking it with me; it kinda became a habit since I've carried it around for over 4 years.   
  
I stepped into the elevator but wasn't sure which floor to go to… I just wanted to walk, anyway I pressed for 2nd floor.  
  
Did everyone notice that the narrow way from the elevator was my favorite spot to walk by? So many things happened there. I sighed softly. Selphie ran into me, yes, but it was also where I first met Seifer when I was enlisted to the Garden… 4 years already but it still felt like yesterday.  
  
He was there… blond hair in normal uniform, a bit taller than me but our egos were incomparable. Four years after he was still there but in his white trench coat… clapping for my success. That was the first moment I realized that he was also human.  
  
  
_The man behind these empty words   
is crying out in shame..._  
  
  
I opened the door to the deck; the salty breeze of the sea was blowing lightly, the sun was shining brightly and my mind was screaming quietly. I used to be here, thinking of myself… enjoying the solitude I fool myself into thinking that I like… and he was behind me. We didn't talk. He just stared, shrugged and moved to a far away corner. So he was alone, too. Fujin and Raijin might be the good companies but he mostly found alone.  
  
Maybe we had something in common.  
  
Then, I almost asked him what he was doing there… but I never did. I never asked people first, never started a conversation. He glanced back at me, looked like he wanted to ask me something, too.   
  
After that I went back to my dorm and wondered if either of us had started a conversation… just talked… whatever it was about, we might have become friends. I let that thought trouble my mind for over a year, it hardly faded out.  
  
  
_Holding on to this sinking ship,   
where nothing else remains..._  
  
  
I went back inside; maybe I should find something to occupy my mind. I felt the weight of the blade against my legs and went to the Training Center. I encountered a few Grats and moved on. The light that shone through the density of primal forest made me feel strange… somehow I remembered how his face reflected it… how his sweat glistened against it. Most of my time in here I spent with him. Training with him became the daily routine I was looking for… without realizing it.  
  
He had never turned me down nor did I turn him down. I might have been the only one that could train with him, not entirely because we shared the same type of weapon but because I knew every one of his movements.   
  
He kept insulting me but I watched him. He carried on fighting me but I learned his strengths and weaknesses.  
  
…   
  
Couldn't I stop thinking about him?  
  
  
_All I want is everything,   
Am I asking too much?_  
  
  
I tried to clear my head and walk out to the main hall.   
  
I might walk into someone but I don't care.  
  
Seifer… Damn you, Seifer…   
  
Even when he wasn't here, I still couldn't escape him. Those memory… every minute with him still haunting me, challenging me to see if I could live without him or not. Oh Hyne, they hurt deep inside.  
  
I sighed. I wished I could turn back time to when he was here. Even though everybody else thought he gave me a hard time by always picking on me… deep down... I missed those days.  
  
Missed? Did I miss him? Hyne… yes. My feeling grew stronger everyday, I wasn't sure if I could bare it anymore…  
  
  
_All I want is everything...  
Like a feel of your touch..._  
  
  
I stopped at the fountain and saw my reflection in it. It was the emotionless face of a mercenary; the pain and loneliness were perfectly sealed inside.  
  
Who am I? ...  
  
  
_But all I have are yesterdays,   
tomorrow never comes._

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
(Seifer's POV)  
  
  
How much courage one had to find to say such a thing as 'sorry'? One would take a lifetime to realize what he had done wrong.  
  
I was standing here at my execution site, just outside the main gate of Balamb Garden. I wasn't sure why other people looked at me; because they recognized me or because of my unpleasant appearances. My clothes were ragged, stained with dust and blood… no wonder, I looked merely like a vagrant, merely like Seifer Almasy.  
  
  
_It's hard to hold your head up   
when you're kneeling down to pray_  
  
  
What should I say if I meet him? I only thought about coming back here. My head began to spin from the pressure. What if he hated me too much and wouldn't let me see him? What if he drove me away without giving me a chance to explain?   
  
What if…   
  
Hyne… I was breaking inside. My hands clutched tightly to my chest… If I said I was sorry what would he think?  
  
If I said I missed him would he listen?  
  
…  
  
  
_and talking doesn't come easy now   
when the words get in the way_  
  
  
I was lost in my thoughts, the abyss so deep I didn't notice someone standing in front of me; Black leather, chocolate brown hair, the scar… and those stormy eyes… he still hadn't change. If I were to die now, Hyne please let this picture be burned into my soul forever. He was the only good thing that appeared in my entire fucking life.  
  
I stared at him… looked at him like a blind searching for the light.  
  
  
_and if you could see what's going on   
behind these private eyes_  
  
  
Second seemed like an hour, minute seemed like an eternity. He didn't say anything… anything at all; curse, yell, insult. He didn't even make a sound. Standing there with the emotionless silence was killing me… slowly. But it was me, too. I couldn't find my words. All the things that I wished to say to him in that borderline between life and death was gone.   
  
  
_The truth would look so easy now   
but I'm running out of lies..._  
  
  
Hyne… can I have one last wish?   
  
Forgiveness; it is something I have never wished from anyone, neither from you nor the world, just this man who is standing in front of me. Please…  
  
  
_You think the shadow of doubt is hanging over my head  
It's just an angel whose wings hide the sun_  
  
  
I dared to step forward, but I didn't know why. One thing was sure, my mind was elsewhere; at that sunset beach… at that flower field… when the chocolate haired kid was running away from me, but when he stopped and looked back… and smiled… was that smile for me?  
  
His body was just a foot apart from mine; he still stared at me. My hand lifted up by itself to place between the hollow of his neck and shoulder. The heat of his body and the smoothness of his skin were telling me that this wasn't my fantasy. His eyesight was lowered to my lips, to my chin…? My chest?  
  
Squall.  
  
Damn it… Whatever it took  
  
I forced my hand to the back of his head… drew his body close to mine. I felt his breath against my neck, the soft smell of his delicate hair against my cheek. Our hearts seemed to beat in the same rhythm…  
  
My other hand still hung beside me, I didn't dare to hold him with both of my hands… the fear of rejection prevented me …

  
_And it's myself I betray... I cannot wish this away...  
Took my chance now the damage is done  
_

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
(Squall's POV)  
  
  
What in the world was happening? Was it my daydreaming again? Then, what about this raging heartbeat? What about this strong arm on my shoulder? What about the warmth on my face?  
  
Seifer… Is it really you?  
  
I decided to return his embrace, taking a risk. Both of my arms clung to his neck, I held him tight as if it was the only thing I could rely on.  
  
I wasn't dreaming.  
  
  
_All I want is everything,   
Am I asking too much?  
  
_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  
(Seifer's POV)  
  
  
Squall?   
  
He hugged me back. Squall Leonheart was embracing me… I couldn't imagine anything would feel better than this; his light frame pressed against mine comfortably, sharing the air that mingled with his soft sigh…  
  
"Seifer"  
  
Hyne. He called my name.  
  
I was rather confound by his reaction. Did this mean something? Did he feet the same? Didn't he hate or despise me? Oh Hyne, my life that I held back from the Death was worth it now. There were a hundred thousand things in my mind right now. But forget it, I would think about it later.  
  
At this moment when I held him tight in both of my arms... I knew that I was home.  
  
  
_All I want is everything...  
Like a feel of your touch..._  
  
  
  
Fin~  
  
  
  
Feedback, comments are most welcome, ^^' please…  
  
  
  
  



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